Monday, October 13, 2014

New Story: The Adjusters #55

(Well, only a week later than I hoped. Remember when I was telling you about work being crazy for lack of resources? Well, that was these last few weeks in a nutshell. Things have finally calmed down, and with Columbus Day, I managed to catch up. As a bonus, this is longer than usual.)

Here is October's installment of The Adjusters, “Intermezzo: The Platinum Plan”, wherein we discover the flip side of Family Counseling Services.

As usual, comments welcome.

I'll also remind you that we have a Speculation Thread available for general discussion. (A thread which I read but do not comment on.)


The Adjusters #55 - Intermezzo: The Platinum Plan

Jeffrey Coogan entered the nondescript building through the only door waiting beyond a well-manicured lawn. Nothing distinguished this building from those surrounding it within the Marina District of San Francisco. He double-checked the address, wondering whether he had taken it down wrong from his interlocutor earlier that day.

Inside, he found a charming and welcoming interior lobby, and made a mental note to ask someone about the interior decorator or architect that had designed it. He had been thinking about his new building for SocialCircles, his company, and wanted to demarcate it from other Bay-area headquarters. Maybe something like this would be nice? He tended towards glass and metal himself, but this could work too. Perhaps with a more modern touch. Like a touch more metal. And certainly more glass.

There was no one waiting in the lobby. The only person was a pretty receptionist who gave him a bright smile as he entered.

“How may I help you, sir?”

His sneakers scuffed slightly on the polished floor. He put his hands in his jean pockets, the way he often did when he was confronted with good-looking women in a social occasion. He was not a social person, had never been. He always felt awkward about it.


Continue reading...

Next month: “Intermezzo: Sam O'Neill”.

7 comments:

  1. Usual warning: this could have used another editing pass, probably.

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  2. It is good, all new faces but good :)

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  3. As you know I am a speed reader and it takes me 2 or 3 times through to pick up everything thats going on. Having said that, WOW, it reads great and flows well the actors are believeable as usual. Looking forward to Sam O'Neil.

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  4. you are great, congratulations please keep it up.......

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  5. From danny123

    Before going into my take on this chapter just some suggested editing changes:

    My page 2 – He sat down, choosing a set from which he could look at the pretty receptionist. Change – choosing a seat.

    My page 12 – She shut the door by pressing back against it. Had Jeff known where to direction his attention he would have noticed her hips twitching….
    Change – Jeff known where to direct……

    My page 24 – Bianca swallowed again, and edged closer to him. Her hand slid up his thigh, towards his crotch, “I want suck your cock…..
    Change – I want to….

    My page 34 – I’m not going to impose him on you. And I shouldn’t be long anyway: half and hour, forty-five minutes….
    Change – half an hour…..

    My page 42 - …and went to dance with her and another woman that Jeff realized with a start was Michaela, the limo driver….
    Change – realized with a start it….

    Next paragraph – obedience? Just seems odd in today’s age that a woman will use the word obedience in her vows. Just an observation.

    My page 44 – “Oh baby I want you fucking much!” she moaned in his mouth. “How would you like me?”
    Change – “Oh, baby, I want you so…..

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  6. From danny123

    I just loved this chapter. I was trying to put together what I thought ADCorp may do with the technology they were acquiring from the Specials. I wasn’t too far off the mark, but yours was better. That is why I was anxious about getting a peek into this world so I can get a better understanding what Daniel was up against. I also loved the way the “girls” were explained to Jeff. The more I read about Rivolli’s inquiries the more I thought the guy isn’t awful bright. You would think that if you heard the words “Enforcement Division” that would give you a clue. Also the activities that were being discussed as far as what the girls would and could do, how discretion was all important, and just how low keyed the whole operation is, would ring some bells. You are making a deal with the devil. Rivolli lives in a world where money seems to cure all ills. So it came as no real surprise when I got to the end of the chapter to find out that he may be terminated. Given the nature of the people running the corporation, it is the only option. Make it look like an accident and monitor all the people that were close to him. Jeff is discovering that power is the ultimate trip. My best friend’s wife, why not.

    It would seem that ADCorp has been able to develop a serum that does not have the side effects. When there is proper motivation, miracles can happen.

    Looking forward to getting more background on Sam O’Neill and how he got involved in this crusade.

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  7. @danny123 — just one word: nailed it. Nice summary of what was in my own head. Now get out of there, it's creeping me out :)

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