Sorry about the delay folks. Been having some problems with the intertubes this week. Hence the lack of Wednesday post. Things seem to be back to normal, so let's get back to work.
First off, as I mentioned earlier, I went back and rewrote part of #12, as well as the parts of #13 that relied on #12. It's now a bit closer to what I had in mind originally, although I'm still not entirely happy with it. Here is the edited #12 and edited #13.
Second, here is April's episode of The Adjusters, "Confrontations", wherein various parties confront each other, with varied results.
As usual, comments welcome.
EDIT: @Arzac reminds me that you have a Speculation Thread available for discussion. (A thread which I read but do not comment on.)
15 - Confrontations
It was late morning on a sunny and crisp Saturday when Daniel walked
up the path that led to the large mansion that housed the Delta Iota
Kappa fraternity.
It had been a tough week. Seven days since he saw the DVD that Biff --
as Daniel presumed -- had left for him, on which the young man had
fucked his fiancee. There was no point in sugarcoating it. Biff had
fucked her. And she had seemed to enjoy it. Figuring out why was one
of the questions to which Daniel had no answer. And to find the
answer, he had to find Jenn.
He had filed a missing-persons report with the police, and had been
hounding them for the past several days. They had not made much
progress, and seemed generally unconcerned about it. They claimed that
students often took a week off without warning, and that they could
not be expected to jump the gun every time. They would investigate,
and get back to him. At first Daniel had been angry, but Radhu had
reminded him how Serena had ranted about the police's inefficacy when
Marjorie went missing. So he had mobilized his and Jenn's friends
around school, and they had put up signs and called everyone they
could think of to keep a look out for both Jenn and Biff.
Continue reading...
wow, first to comment....no flames please on discussion. feel free to disagree.
ReplyDelete1) feel that the changes to 12 and 13 really make them stronger and clearer chapters. wonder what happen previously to daniel. def agree with the previous thoughts that he was adjusted.
2) the re-edited 12/13 and 15 (see below for more) make 14 seem very weak in comparison. 14 now seems like a glorified sex scene (and I still feel that was weak compared to scenes in 11-13 & 15) with very few simple points that could've been added to 13 or 15: a) jenn gives the ring back b) daniel points out the weirdness in serena- rad doesn't believe it yet c) raven hair woman makes an appearance
3) 15 was by far the best chapter yet both in terms of plot and writing. we know daniel is clearly upset, but many more important "confrontations" occurred.
a) Jackson: seems torn-will he gain Daniel's trust, he back the frat, or will he start helping the frat then change. He has alot of insight into what is going on.
b) Kevin clearly sees the Jenn screw up, but tries a total political fix (tell the friends Jenn is on leave, and that she broke up with DanieL) till Bernie shows up dead. I think he was the access point for either our raven hair friend or an acquaintance of hers. So what did she get is the question. I remember her tailing Daniel in 12- was that to look after the company's investment (so to speak) or to find the good doctor who is scared "bleepless" in hiding.
c) Jenn is on total activation: remember what happen to Marjorie in the end- can't be a good thing for her. But if she wasn't on total program she would prob just leave Biff- hope she has a good time in Jersey.
Couple questions: what is NTR? And I still don't understand the difference between basic and second pass in terms of programming.
BTW: the reworked chap 12 scene (Jenn imagining Biff) and the maid scenes were very hot. Again nicely done and I have to repeat how difficult it is to read this monthly as now I want to know what happens in 16......Sorry for the long post, but I had a long plane ride to think about this.
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ReplyDeleteSo let me get this straight, name of Bernie came up in Daniel's dream now? And in 15 Bernie gets accusation based on Daniel's dream?
ReplyDeletejust fantastic work!
ReplyDeleteI doubt it was a dream
ReplyDeleteJackson seems somewhat possessive about Kyra. Wonder how easy it will be for Jackson to distraction Daniel- Serena would probably be better at that than Cin.
ReplyDeleteA couple of responses:
ReplyDelete@met - I'm just glad that the reworked #12/13 were not worse than the original. I dropped the ball on #12 originally. I apologize for that.
#14 is indeed an extended sex scene :) I was trying something in that episode, and it came out so-so. Ah well. Still a couple of things that I like in there.
NTR is short for Netorare. I'll let you use your google-fu. (Thanks to @KITA for the heads-up.)
@Domein - Bernie's name came up in a phone conversation in the scene that Daniel saw and thought he was dreaming (although he's doubting it now.) But Jackson -- who made the accusation, unless I messed up the names -- has a pretty good idea that Bernie was indeed involved, after the discussion with Kevin & co.
@Anonymous1 - Thanks.
@Anonymous2 - Indeed.
@Anonymous3 - He does, doesn't he?
Nice new chapter! One thing I'd love to see is the actual programming/adjusting process. We've heard it alluded to, but part of me is wondering what sort of drugs (besides ecstasy), and "electrical" stimulation is involved. Have some images of sexy, drugged out girls with helmets on being programmed. PLEASE enlighten us ;).
ReplyDelete@ bt3 thanks for the explanation of 14 and ntr.
ReplyDeleteanon #3 has an interesting pt regarding kyra and serena.
want to see what the resident critic (once again) thinks....
I hope don't take it to hard, but I believe you made #12 worse than it was before.
ReplyDeleteIn the original, you 'dropped the ball' as you stated by having Daniel acting too passive while watching Jenn and Biff.
In your rewrite you awoke Daniel from a dream so he is believes he is still dreaming the whole thing.
Unfortunatly in my opinion, that makes it worse. How often have you woken up and believed that you are still dreaming? Several minutes long with other persons present? Seeing Jenn in such a situation must have angered or at least humiliated Daniel, activating adrenaline or other hormones that alert someone not making them drowsy.
If you want to keep most of the scene and make it more believable add something like alcohol or drugs.
For example: Daniel's search has exhausted him mentaly and physical and Radhu gives him a valium and let's him crash on the couch in the living room. Biff and Jenn come in, absorbed by each other missing him lying there (or believing he is completely unconscious) and start their acting while he is sleepy and drowsy from exhaustion and the drug having to witness it all helplessly.
Just my opinion.
@ astardis: what would daniel be searching for and why would he be on valium? in 12 he wasn't searching for jenn. he was calm-thinking everything was ok.
ReplyDeleteI actually think the new change makes it stronger- previously it was Daniel just doesn't move. now its him "dreaming" but most likely gives an implication of already been adjusted and not being able to do anything about it. Personally, I don't think this will clear up until more plot takes place.
Ops, you are certainly right. I shouldn't write after a 12h shift at work.
ReplyDeleteA few times earlier I presumed that Daniel might be adjusted to explain his odd behaviour but with the recent 'adjustments' (pun intended) of #12 I believe that Bulgroz didn't intent that. The new changes try to make Daniel's actions or non actions more in character than before which therefor tells me, that Bulgroz hadn't planned that Daniel is modified at all.
My critic on the dream part stays. It feels more artificial and plot dictated than something that would really happen unless lots of alcohol or drugs are involved.
Nevertheless, I like the new chapter. Things are heating up and still some nice new smutty scenes as well. Keep it up.
I'm still eager to see things from viewpoint of adjusted girl. How do they feel inside, how do they rationalize things afterwards etc etc. There was an old story called "Controlling Jenifer" that did just that, it was really hot ;)
ReplyDelete@ astradis: Not a prob re: work. I once wrote a comment after I was jet lagged. what do you think happen to Daniel. I happen to agree with one of the anon posts above (about doubting it was a dream). I mean that what was it? inaction just doesn't work. Even if he was not adjusted, something happened in his past that causes his passiveness re: adjusted behavior.
ReplyDelete@domein: me too- esp for Serena. Not as much for Jenn as she is constantly activated. She would prob flip out as she really hates Biff (until she had a special program).
@blahsz - The trick for the programming process is of course a healthy does of applied phlebotinum. (Kidding. Although we'll have to wait for the doctor to come out of hiding for there to be more programming.)
ReplyDelete@Astardis - "How often have you woken up and believed that you are still dreaming? Several minutes long with other persons present? Seeing Jenn in such a situation must have angered or at least humiliated Daniel, activating adrenaline or other hormones that alert someone not making them drowsy." I know what you mean, and I'd be completely on your side if it weren't for the panic attack -- the symptoms were the real symptoms (that Daniel thought it was part of the dream is irrelevant -- it did happen). So the question becomes -- why a panic attack? Why then? Why there?
Drugs could do it too, I agree, and probably much more cleanly. But there's a reason for the panic attack, which is somewhat important. (Although the importance of it will not arise for a while.)
And I did like the "adjustment" pun...
@Domein - We'll get some point of view soon, in a couple of episodes.
bg3, does that mean we'll get to witness a programming first hand at some point down the line? hint...hint...hint...
ReplyDeleteSomething that is confusing me here. Jenn handed the PI a DVD in #14 but he kept it for himself and only handed the ring to Daniel? Is that right? Will we ever see what's depicted on that DVD?
ReplyDeletei guess i stand corrected: daniel had a panic attack and was not adjusted, my bad.
ReplyDelete@ deccan: jenn already mentioned what happened- anal (at least according to Jenn- she mentioned it to the PI). i don't think we are going to see every biff/jenn scene- as the PI has that DVD and don't think Daniel will see it-ever. And in terms of other Biff/Jenn interludes, I'm sure we will see, but not every one: as he is prob screwing her out regularly (he made lots of videos).
one or two questions: how long will jenn be with biff? Also is the main thrust of this serial daniel vs the company or daniel vs the frat. I can see either- Daniel is clearly the protagonist (so far). But the question is who the ultimate antagonist: the frat or the company? Thoughts?
@deccan - yes, the PI kept the DVD.
ReplyDelete@met - panic attacks and adjustments do not a priori exclude each other.
And what Jenn said to the PI was in fact just an expression. (Which in retrospect is utterly confusing. Damn! Missed that. I'll probably edit it out.) He hasn't taken her ass yet.