I talked about this in my last post, but either it got lost in the long post, or you folks don't particularly care. Either way, I'll give it a second shot.
I finished writing the first draft of The Adjusters #17 today (and it will require some massive revisions, because I think I've messed up Cindy's characterization in that one -- remember Cindy?), and I'm starting #18 tomorrow morning. My idea with #18, tentatively called "A Day in the Life", is to use it to illustrate the life of the dick girls, and give some cheap thrills in the process. It will segue into the seven episodes making up the back end of Book II.
Now, I know more or less what I will write about, but there are some holes still. In particular, I want there to be a scene with Serena and a scene with Kyra, being used by the Delta Iota Kappa brothers as they go about the business of their day. I have a couple of ideas for them, but I'd be happy to get some suggestions from readers if there's something specific that you'd want to see.
So tell me, in the comments or by email, if there's any way that the brothers could use Serena and Kyra that you'd find hot.
(And yes, I do take suggestions into account. The last one, about Radhu and Serena, I figured out a way to slot into episode #22. You know, just to give you something to look forward to!)
With Serena´s "deep programing", she can be herself (aware) but no resist?
ReplyDeleteI like see Kyra and Serena acting like two schoolgirls (anime stile, lollipop optinal).
I suggest for #18 a change for the first-person view.
The schoolgirl thing has potential. Maybe the two of them with one dominating the other.
ReplyDeleteSomething else that comes to mind: having Biff fuck Jenn will very likely ruin a lot of the tension in the story - it basically ends Daniel's stuggle (plus his non-reaction in #12 isn't very believable. Feels too much like a cheap setup/manipulation, imo). It would be far more compelling if the reader never knows if it will ever happen and Daniel gets a chance to prevent it.
That said, what I'd like to see is Jenn and Serena "performing" on each other for an audience.
I disagree with Anon there. Having Biff fuck Jenn is just the beginning of her descent. Will she be his personal toy? for how long? Will she end up like Marjorie? dancing and whored out to make money? Will she become a bimbo? Getting fucked by Biff is merely the tip of the iceberg. And hell, I've been waiting to see it!
ReplyDeleteHow about Serena giving Kyra a lesson on some sexual act? Dressed up as French maids cleaning the frat and entertaining alumni?
It could also be hot to get inside their heads, when triggered and not. I know the POV has mostly focused on Daniel, but it'd be interesting to view things from a triggered DICK girl. Not sure how easy that is to pull off though (one of the many reasons I'm glad you're writing this and not me).
Still think it ruins the story. It would work better if Biff weren't such an obvious awful/antagonistic/stupid character (ie, if he weren't portrayed as so obvious an idiot).
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you could do it in a believable way. Daniel already basically knows what's going on - why would he let Jenn keep the bracelet or let her out of his sight? It's already hard enough to believe he sits still during obvious hypnosis.
I do like the Jenn-descent idea, but I think it'd be more interesting to have Daniel succumb to some type of conditioning and have him control her and order her to do it.
I like the idea of someone plowing Serena secretly while she's in public, or on the phone, in the middle of her job.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, thanks to all for the comments. I appreciate the feedback, and it serves as nice calibration for what's in my head.
ReplyDeleteigort & Anon 5, I like the suggestions. I don't think I can fit all of it in #18, but I may use some later. I definitely like Anon 5's way of thinking.
blahsz & Anon 2: that's an interesting discussion. I don't want to go into spoilers, but even if Biff & Jenn get it on, it may not necessarily diminish the tension. Let's see where it goes first. If you want, let's revisit this question after #25. As far as Daniel's nonreaction in #12 and general odd behavior then, there's actually a reasonable explanation for it (granted, perhaps somewhat psychology shaky…) I'll get into it at some point. But it's going to bother even him. I love the idea of Jenn & Serena performing together, and I'll see if I can arrange that. Same with the French maids cleaning the frat -- the image pleases my inner geek. I do intend to go into the girls POV for #18, and yes, it's somewhat harder than I thought it'd be. I think that episode will be slow to write because of that. Finally: yeah, Biff's a bit of an idiot. (Not-so-vaguely modeled after a bully I knew back in high school…) I guess I could round him up more as a character, but I don't particularly want to get into his head too much. Let me think about that a bit. And, Daniel succumbing to some type of conditioning and having him control Jenn is exactly the kind of twisted perverted thinking that I just *have* to work into the story somehow! Maybe not in the current arc, but at some point in the future, it's going to materialize. It's just too good to pass up. Thank you!
BTW, one point I'm confused on is how is a girl untriggered? Is it some set amount of time? Is there a another verbal command given? Does the programming set up that she not only won't remember, but she'll fill in the missing time with some other activity for herself? I can't yet tell if this is a deliberate oversight you're setting up for, or just a regular oversight in a complicated arc. Still, I'd like to see some explanation (at some point, happy to be patient).
ReplyDeleteNow that the DIK boys learn how to program girls, i like to see programed: teachers, female gym, librarians, security guards, the Dean´s secretary, the Dean´s wife and daughter, and sorority prez.
ReplyDeletePlease think about a crossover with the characters of "4 tapes and a fiancee". Maibe Daniel learn with Kyra(4TaaF) the power of the program?
Well, you've set it up so that Daniel has some sort of desire to see Jenn being used - but I'd think it would only make sense if Daniel's the one in charge (you've also set it up that he clearly LIKES to dominate her, based on the cards).
ReplyDeleteNow, I have no idea what you're planning :) but having Biff fuck her and own her doesn't really work - like I said before, why would Daniel let her keep the bracelet/let her out of his sight, etc. Having Biff "win" a battle for Jenn and fuck her while Daniel is helpless wouldn't feel genuine - it would feel pretty forced if Daniel doesn't come out on top (pun maybe intended)
Plus she's too interesting of a character to turn into a bimbo and screw up her/Daniel's life, I think. Unless he's totally into cuckolding, but that's not what I've gotten thus far (see above)
Agree that biff taking Jenn ruins what you've built up. "will Daniel save his brainwashed girl now that she's been taken" is pretty boring, been done lots before. More potential if you don't know if/when biff will attempt to take her. VERY interesting if she's aware she's been conditioned amd knows she can't resist - now must race against time before becoming biff's toy. Threat over her/Daniel's heads would be tense
ReplyDelete@blahsz There just hasn't been any place yet where it was reasonable to talk about untriggering. Basically, yeah, as you say. In fact the activation fades on its own after a while if the girl is not "used" (how long depends on the girl). There's also an emergency get-back-to-normal command, but the Doctor doesn't recommend using it, it's flaky. After all, he had to work with rather primitive technology, and the brothers should be grateful they get as much as they do. And yes, they do not remember anything afterwards.
ReplyDelete@igort I'm not sure about a crossover, but I like the list of prospective victims you have in mind. Some of them are a bit high profile though. Might cause trouble for the frat. Then again…
@Anon You're right, Daniel's not into cuckolding. That's a fantasy-only thing (like it is for a lot of folks, I suspect -- stuff one fantasizes about one couldn't really deal with in RL) , and he has his own somewhat dominant streak. But he also seems to enjoy when Jenn's dominant. So basically domination games (either way they go) are kind of a turn on for him. That's not really why he blocked in #12, though, but it's related. But I hear what you're saying here, and I'll keep that in mind as the story progresses. Let's take a few more episodes in and see what feels forced and what doesn't.
@Slothrop Here too, I hear what you're saying, and I'll do my best not to disappoint. I'm not going for a straight "will Daniel save his brainwashed girl now that she's been taken" line, and I have no intention of being boring :) Time will tell on that, I guess.
As usual, thanks for the discussion, folks. It's helpful, at least to me. And thanks for using handles, makes it much easier to reply to comments!
Any word on when #13 will be coming out? :)
ReplyDeleteOn Wednesday. (I'm revising as we speak...)
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree with anon on Jenn's part, biff fucking her would be almost a story killer scene for me.
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way, did you knew that "dick girls" are hentai anime characters that basically a regular girls that somehow ending up with a dick growing from their crotches? :)
@Domein I quite appreciate the strength of your feelings on this matter.
ReplyDeleteAnd re: "dick girls", yes, indeed, I know :) Thus this part of Bernie's dialog in #11: "Indeed, the dick girls. Although we try to call them frat girls, or Delta Iota Kappa girls. Seems like the term dick girls has some unfortunate connotations for some people. What do you know about those dick girls?"
finishing up book 3 and would love to see Serena and Kyra show up at the company.maybe Daniel gets more access and finds his freinds. It could be explained that thier bleeding or leaking has keep them at the company. They could be lovers when last we saw them they were happily going at it unable to stop. They company is trying to figure out what has been done to them, secretly already knowing(agent Shawback)
ReplyDeleteThere is that question whether Serena and Kyra survived the blast, isn't there?
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