My apologies for the delay, but without further ado (aside from the barrage of comments leading up to this point, for which I thank you all because it actually led me to rethink one aspect of the story), here is February's episode of The Adjusters, "The DVD", wherein blood is spilled, both metaphorically and literally.
As usual, comments welcome.
13 - The DVD
"Look, why didn't you just break the fucking bracelet if it bothered
you so much then?" Serena was getting frustrated. "I mean, how about
you rip this one out too, while you're at it. Go on!" She lifted her
arm, showing the silver charms bracelet on her wrist, catching the
light in the noonday sun. They were sitting outside the Darnell Cafe,
a small shop in the middle of campus, taking advantage of the
unseasonably warm weather. The lunchtime crowd was slowly clearing
out.
"I don't know, okay? I wasn't thinking. It was..." He could not
complete the sentence.
Serena sighed with exaggerated drama, then shook her head. "Okay, let
me see if I got this right. Yesterday, you say you saw your fiancee --
Jenn, little miss good girl, whom we know and love and who is so
completely and utterly crazy about you that it's sickening -- cheating
on you with, of all people, Biff Cusker, bully extraordinaire, and not
only did you not, oh, I don't know, stop them or in any way barge in
like a real man would have, but you didn't even document the event?
Your phone?"
"I don't know."
Continue reading...
You are so evil, man. I really hope you have something bright in the next episode to amend disheartening events in this one :(
ReplyDeletegreat stuff! love the ratcheting of tension and can't wait to see the next dvd!
ReplyDeleteI HATE BIFF I HATE BIFF.
ReplyDeleteI HATE BIFF I HATE BIFF.
I HATE BIFF I HATE BIFF.
But i like the joke with Serena and the trigger.
Good reading, waiting for more.:P
i can't wait for the next chapter...what will serena think when she sees the dvd....
ReplyDeletedon't think i have the ability to read this month to month with this type of scene break. an amazing write. excellent job, but too much oh my god i need to read chapter 14 now (a great scene break).
ReplyDeletekeep the great writing coming. strong work.
Please tell me that Daniel manages to save Jenn's anal cherry somehow...or that she 'creatively interprets' the instructions given to her to give it to Daniel somehow out just so Biff doesn't give it...please...
ReplyDeleteSorry previous post was mine as well, I meant to add, 'She is aware underneath the conditioning after all right'.
ReplyDeleteDecided to use a name instead of continuing being anon, heh.
ReplyDeleteUnsurprisingly, this is a bit dark for me. It's right on the border - having this carry on would be a total turn off. Like I said before, it's too cruel. And really, it's hard to see a happy ending to any of this, as Jenn is likely to be totally messed up.
A couple other things: I still feel this ruins your story's tension. There isn't really anywhere to go here - anything else that happens is just to torment Daniel and Jenn. Going further with Jenn just turns her into MD, and that's already been told. Hope we get Jenn back soon.
Also, I find it EXTREMELY unbelievable that Daniel wouldn't take off the bracelet from Jenn and Serena, and that he'd let her out of his sight that day.
Daniel was programmed sometime in his life?
ReplyDeleteIs he a boy toy, and dont remember?
I usually try to stay away from unfinished stories where it's obvious that the author hasn't abandoned his work.
ReplyDeleteAnd what do I get for breaking my own rule?
One of the worst cliffhanger ever, in a very positive way and a reminder NOT to read stories before they are finished. :)
Keep up the good work and give us the next chapter soon, I can hardly away it.
Thanks.
Before anything else -- thanks for the feedback, folks. No matter what it happens to be, all of it helps.
ReplyDeleteSome of my comments will be vague to avoid spoilers (which is also why sometimes I will not answer a question...)
@Domein things may be a bit gloomy for a bit, but it will pick up again.
@Anonymous yes, what will Serena say, indeed.
@Anonymous we will see a bit more about Jenn's perspective about all of this later.
@onceagain glad you've chosen a handle, that helps a lot. Yes, this ep was dark, but glad it didn't actually toss you completely over the fence. If it's any consolation, that's about as dark as I can be -- I like indirect mental humiliation, which takes a bit of the sting off. And yes, it does actually end well. I'm sorta glad it's hard to see. And as far as there being nowhere to go from here, I'm going to interpret that as a friendly challenge :)
@igort you are both close to the truth and far from the truth. Nicely done!
lets all now try to guess the vague comments that our wonderful author wrote us.....
ReplyDeleteI just finished this chapter after being directed here from mcstories.com.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I like your story very much. Since you are creating a nice long story you managed to make us like and care for each of you main characters very well. Many stories deal with the subject of faithful and commited spouses bend against their will to mind controllers but they seldom create the kind of outrage or the amount of ill feeling you managed to create over the last two chapters.
I do like this kind of mental torture alot, as long as you manage to clear it up nicely.
Since you already hinted that you steer towards a happy ending I can barely await your next chapters.
I hope you aren't offended by the suggestion that as much as I wait for a happy ending between Daniel, Jenn and Serena I also hope they get permanently mentaly altered by these experiences.
Thanks alot.
Astardis
Oh, I forgot to ask: Are you planing to post #14 soon or are you still keeping the monthly schedule you kept so far?
ReplyDeleteIf so, I might have to find a way to sue you for cruelty.
@Met Clearly I want to remain vague so as not to spoil what's coming. It's a thin line to tread. If it ever gets annoying, let me know, although the only real solution I'd see would be to stop answering questions...
ReplyDelete@Astardis I did want to create characters cared about, and I myself am a bit surprised (in a pleasant way) as to the response. Never had to deal with that before, so I'm sorta learning as I go. And nope, no offense taken. And I like happy endings. But do not expect a quick resolution to anything. Book II is about 13 episodes total, and then there's a few others Books after that. It's not a short story. Which is one of the reasons why I will indeed stick to the one-a-month updates. Indeed: (1) I'm actually a fairly slow writer, (2) I need the flexibility of writing a few chapters ahead because it lets me catch continuity errors or things that don't lead where they should early, and (3) if I try to write the story any faster I'll burn out on it before I get to the end, which no one wants.
PS: I own very little of any value, except perhaps -- literally -- my pen.
BTW, the link is broken.
ReplyDeleteCrap -- thanks for the catch, @blahsz. I cleaned up the naming convention in my ASSTR directories while trying to fix some of my links here, and managed to break others. Everything should work now.
ReplyDeleteDo I get any reward? ;)
ReplyDelete