First off, I have to extend my sympathies and my thoughts to the people of Japan, and everyone else affected by the tsunami. But I have to say, A+ for earthquake-proof construction.
In chipper news, it looks like episode #19 of The Adjusters, which had already split off from #18, will split off into two episodes itself, given that it has already reached 14K words, and I'm not quite done with it yet. I'm going to need a bit of break after that one, let me tell you. That's one advantage of writing a bit ahead of the posting deadline, I can pause and rest without antagonizing folks. On the plus side, I've just spent 7K+ words inside Jenn's head, and it reminded me exactly why I love that character.
I ran, completely by accident, into a wonderful little story in six chapters over at Literotica. It's by TQM (aka The Quiet Man), who writes mostly about infidelity. Jennifer's Longing: "Sexy young wife submits to a stud." What's interesting about this story is that it is at heart a cheating wife story but written essentially from the point of view of the bull. Now, the narrator is the young heroine, Jennifer, but the perspective is that of the bull, intent on ruining a marriage. (Well, that, and getting his rocks off.)
It starts getting twisted in Chapter 5, where the bull convinces Jennifer to seduce the husband into asking for his own demise. I love that bit. Twisting perversions and warping people's mind without their knowledge, for nefarious purposes, that always sends my kinky aflutter. I won't spoil it for you. Read it.
In fact, I'm probably going to "borrow" that idea in the future, put my own spin on it. I just need to wait for the right characters to show up and raise their hand and say "me, me, me."
Sorry I disappeared for a while.
ReplyDeleteI"m trying to separate two things in my head: what I would like to happen and what's best from an editing/pacing/plot standpoint.
For me, I think Biff taking Jenn immediately (or at all, in some ways) isn't the best for tension. It repeats MD and is kind of cruel. I'd like to see her out of Biff's clutches and some retribution sooner rather than later. I also really would be turned off by a gang-rape, or anything of that nature.
Objectively most of the things I said earlier still remain, though I hope they aren't being cluttered by my opinion.
The timeline should be compressed. 3-4 days, tops. I don't even mean the police, it's pretty obvious they are compromised. I mean people on campus - there would be flyers, people freaking out, etc. It has to be short enough so that people don't notice she's gone (people like friends, professors, etc).
Again, I'd strongly advise combining to make 20 chapters or so. I like a nonlinear narrative, but if you're going to spend 5 chapters filling in the backstory it's going to grind to a halt. I bring this up because you've mentioned how you want it to be tightly plotted; that's going to be hard to do unless you start accelerating the story. There are already chapters that could be combined. If Jenn/Serena are still oblivious to their predicament in 5 chapters that's going to feel like nothing's happened. (I'm pulling 20 out of a hat. MD was 10 and that probably would have been better served being 7. So 20 feels about right).
Monthly updates really exacerbate this, but I think probably need to move the plot along in a major way each chapter from here out.
And keep an eye on why things are happening. Things only happening because of plot is a big red flag. Funny thing to say when mind control is involved, but it makes things start to feel forced.
Keep up the good work.
so i re-read book 1. i really suggest people re-read it as you pick up smaller details that are being played out in the chapters of book 2. you also pick up some interesting thoughts by the Doctor (in chaps 9/10), Jackson (and even Biff) when they have interactions with daniel and Jenn and Cin after she gets adjusted (chap 7/8). 2 reasons I suggest going back: I read quick and sometimes miss things, but when chapters are posted monthly (this is not bashing), you'll forget some of the fine details.
ReplyDeleteAfter re-reading Jackson, might be the "in" into the frat for Daniel if he ever figures out what is going on. Cin might also become interesting as she really really has strong crush and even gave hints what the bracelet is about when she wasn't supposed to.
@ Bulgroz- read Callie's Downfall and the OSL series. both were great.
@once again: i think it might be possible to advance the plot during those 3-5 chapters of the POV scenes. E.g. for the upcoming jenn scene- a quick recap over the last 1-2 weeks (leading up to the PI BJ and giving the ring back), but it could also explain how she was adjusted which would be an important point. The other thing pov scenes could do is introduce more to the frat/doctor. clearly they will need some more fleshing out.
Just some thoughts
just thought of something else? whats gonna happen with bernie...clearly another possible weak link in the frat. After all he knows some of the process to make a DIK girl a DIK girl. either Daniel or our random brunette could take advantage.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what's going on in adjusted heads of all those girls, esp Jen. Will we have some flashback for earlier events from her perspective? Can we? Please? :)
ReplyDeletewhats gonna happen with bernie...clearly another possible weak link in the frat.
ReplyDeleteI don't see it like that. Bernie is deeply involved in the programming process. I can't remember exactly but I believe he figured it out without consent of the doctor, though the doc knows. (I think I remember the doc saying/thinking something about that in the first part.)
He is clearly enjoying himself with the DIK girls and helped Biff on at least two occasions to programm Jenn. So no, he is certainly not someone I can see as a 'weak link' for Daniel to gain infos or even access to the frat and it's knowledge.
@onceagain: I find it difficult to judge the possible length of a story without knowing the plot or it's direction. It is certainly possible to cut it down to 20 chapters beside whatever Bulgroz plans to do, but I personally like stories with some meat around the main plot. In main stream novels, the plot is far too often cut down to the minimum and too much background is omitted to fit it into required book sizes. (I grand you that sometimes too much is bad as well. The middle books of the Wheel of Time series come to my mind here. *shiver*)
But one point I can wholeheartly agree with. With the update timetable, Bulgroz HAS to advance the plot each chapter significantly otherwise this gets dull very fast.
@ astardis: in retrospect I should have phrased my statement better-remember just because he programs girls, helps Biff, and takes advantage of the girls does not mean he can't be taken advantage of especially by someone with skills. now right now Daniel is in no way able to do that. But hypothetically, Bernie could have left info on his PC (something Rad could get into), or lets say the brunette figures out what bernie is doing....who knows.
ReplyDeletemy point is that the more people know things, the more people do things, the more access points there are to the frat (which so far is the center of what is going on).
But what do I know....I'm not the author....just throwing out food for thought!
Love the discussion folks. Not much for me to comment on. But you're hitting on a lot of points that I've thought about, so that's good -- we're all on the same page.
ReplyDeleteTwo minor clarifications:
First, @onceagain - "It has to be short enough so that people don't notice she's gone." Oh, people will definitely notice she's gone. It's no secret.
Second, my main drive for telling this story is the sex. So if I have a choice of advancing the plot and having my characters do the nasty, the characters will do the nasty. Now, when I'm on top of things, the characters will do the nasty in service of the plot. At other times... well... it's going to be purely gratuitous. I will then hope that that does not qualify as it being boring...
Would love to read about Cindy in any type of sexual nc/reluctant scenario you care to share. Either in Adjusters or anything else. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI'll try to work your request in somewhere—though it may take a while.
DeleteBut I wonder what would happen if someone were to get his or her hands on Cindy's medallion...