Here is March's episode of The Adjusters, "The Nickel and Dime", wherein Jenn is found, after much effort.
As usual, comments welcome.
14 - The Nickel and Dime
"Explain to me again why I cannot partake in this beholding of the
DVD?"
Daniel looked at Radhu like he had sprouted a third arm. "Are you
seriously asking me why I'm not letting you see a DVD of my fiancee
screwing around on me? Seriously?"
"You just said you showed it to Serena..."
"She's a girl!"
"And that affects matters how exactly? She is practically bisexual."
"It's... it's... dammit, it's just not the same, okay? Now can we just
go back to figuring out what the hell I should do now?"
"What was Serena's analysis of the situation?"
Good question, thought Daniel. Earlier today, after watching the DVD
that had been left attached to his front door, he had gone through
another round of calls to everyone he knew looking for Jenn, without
success. He had then called Serena and had been surprised to find her
-- she had been getting a lot more difficult to get a hold of
lately. He had asked her to come over, and she had agreed, without
asking questions. She had shown up forty-five minutes later, finding
him in a sorry state alternating between anger and despair. Her hug
had been welcome and reassuring. While he told her the events of the
previous day, from the time when he had left her after lunch to go
find Jenn up until the discovery of the DVD a few hours earlier,
Serena had listened intently like the reporter she was. She had been
curious about the DVD, and despite feeling funny about it, he had
loaded the player again and fired up the video. He had steeped out of
the room while she watched, having had no desire to see any of it
again.
Continue reading...
Damn, this part left me even more frustrated than previous one(
ReplyDeleteFor how log will this torture on Daniel continue? Give boy some relief already, please?
By the way, if she already missing for 2 weeks, Daniel should have already reported her as missing person to the police, no?
ReplyDeletehave to agree with domein. so frustrated. can barely wait a month for a new chapter. alos agree he shoudl've reported to the cops. when will we get more info on the women with dark hair. what is Rad's reposnse to stealing the camera feeds? has she or biff been on campus?
ReplyDeletesounds like Daniel will go off the deep end when he gets the ring back. not sure if he can take that action. Biff has Jenn nice and controlled.
Forgot a couple points. Think you could've advanced the plot more e.g. Who's the that woman is? Why was the pi so bad-he got caught. After all he got caught. Would've like to know daniels or the womans thoughts. Will serena go off on biff? Does she have her bracelet back? If she doesn't fords she still respond-since the programing ISA still there? Would love to get a spoiler mid month.
ReplyDeleteI feel a bit like Daniel, even though his torture is most likely less pleasurable.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter has moved the plot forward a bit but has the feeling of a 'filler' episode to prolong the agony of waiting.
Seriously? Another month? I am so going to sue you.
Daniel dont use a cell phone?
ReplyDeleteRadhu will get a view of the DIK girls in action?
Serena will act like a DIK girl without the bracelet?
Nice chapter, i cant wait 31 days until chapter 15. Please keep going.
Enjoyed Ch. 14 immensely. Hope to read more about the lovely Jenn being given to others. Here is a vote for Cindy taking Daniel's mind away fron his troubles for awhile. Thanks for the read.
ReplyDeleteHave to be totally honest; this feels like total filler. The timeframe also does not work at all - not believable. Two weeks is way too long. Would have drawn a lit of attention. Also feels unnecessarily tortuous to Daniel. Jenn is also likely going to need a ton of therapy. Don't like it - you are losing me, personally.
ReplyDeleteA suggestion: cut your number of chapters by 1/2 to 1/3. The plot is moving too slow ( in addition to believability issues mentioned)
It's a good chapter. Would like to see what happened to Jenn in a more up close and personal way....and to see more in the chapters or have them posted more frequently. I'll be dead and buried at this rate.
ReplyDeleteI would like to add to my last comment a bit.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I can live with a monthly update, not that I have a choice in that matter anyway (hehe), but for a monthly update you have certainly stopped the chapter to early.
The situation at the beginning of #14 and at the end is plot wise the same.
We gain no new information, no real development since you stopped right when things got interesting.
Unlike others here I can accept that the police would be diffcult to engage. The two weeks timeframe could be explained.
What is missing is a development. I don't know how you plan to continue. Right now I see three ways how it might continue. First, Daniel goes to the motel room and confronts Biff and Jenn. Second, The P.I. hands over the DVD and we gain additional insight through Jenn's behaviour or Biff's commands and third our mystery woman makes an entry, either towards Biff or Daniel.
Had you continued your story past one of those points and had you given us some more information with a good cliffhanger, this chapter wouldn't have the feel of a filler.
Astardis
Alright dudes, stop bashing on the author now, we made our point quite clear here. Let's hope the next one will get us reconnected with Jen again, because right now i don't even fell like i care anymore what they do to her, it's like she is a rubber fuckdoll, not a person anymore.
ReplyDeletedon't think anyone is author bashing. i think it is more along the lines of feedback- some the author might take into account, other he might not. the author posts the story that he wants to post/read. we as the readers might have a different opinion about things that belong in the story. I think we are all greatful he is posting this story as we are all following it. A sign of a good story, is a loyal readership. While I obviously did not like this chapter (for reasons above) as much as other, keep the work coming....
ReplyDeleteHello again,
ReplyDeleteI would like to add to my earlier comment.
First of all, I can live with your monthly updates, not that I could change it anyway(hehe), but I would like to write a little review.
I hope this won't be seen as 'author bashing'.
The recent chapter isn't moving anywhere plot wise or at least very slowly. If you continue your monthly updates I had and still have hope that you will give us something more substantial each month.
Right now, your story ends right before something new happens. As it is, Daniel has still no real idea whats going on, the mystery woman is still looking, no new info on Serena's and Jenn's enslavement.
I see three possible ways how the plot might continue now. First, Daniel goes to the motel room and confronts Biff and Jenn. Second, the P.I. hands over the new DVD and we learn more about whats really going on or third the mystery woman introduces herself to either Biff or Daniel, friendly or even hostile.
If you had continued this chapter a bit longer, had given us some new information, plot twist or whatever you could have finished with a much better cliffhanger and could have given us something to speculate about.
Astardis
P.S.: After all is said and done I am still happy that you gave us a new chapter. :)
@ Astardis: great points in that post about the new woman or the PI and the dvd (though i don't think he will give up his gift of a dvd and g-string). I especially think adding just a bit about the woman or Daniel confrontation with the PI would have made a great cliffie.
ReplyDeleteI would still be frustrated, but wow. only problem with the Daniel confrontation: Biff and Jenn left in his car after she gave her g-string to the PI.
I'm sure our great author will have some comments back to us along with some food for thought in his posts about our speculations.
Dude! I disappear for a couple of days, and all hell breaks loose...
ReplyDeleteSeriously, thanks for the feedback, folks, whatever it happened to be. And I take none of it as author bashing. Many of you have good points and questions, some that will be answered soon, others that I have to think about more.
A couple of things that I should respond to, in no particular order:
- the time frame: I had it as one week between the call to the PI and the cut to the PI finding Jenn, but changed it to two for no particularly good reason. You're right, it doesn't quite work. I'll bring it back to one when I update the episode for typos. (And yes, one week is still long, and people are bound to notice, and yes, that will come back to bite some people.)
- the episode as filler: meh. Maybe. I could see why it might look that way. But I like seeing the characters from the odd angle once in a while, and this was one opportunity to do so. And truly this wasn't just a matter of prolonging the agony of waiting. The plot was advanced. Just maybe not the plot you think you're seeing.
- Oh, and Daniel does use a cell phone. He just happened to have it off at the wrong moment. Maybe he went to the movies :)
- @Domein: "For how long will this torture on Daniel continue? Give boy some relief already, please?" Daniel's gonna have to prove himself before he can get his girlfriend back. As many of you pointed out already, he did wimp out pretty badly at a key moment. "It's like she is a rubber fuckdoll, not a person anymore." Let's let Biff enjoy his prize for a little bit, before things take a turn for the worse. He seems to like a fuckdoll at the moment. But who really knows what Jenn is thinking? [and yes, yes, yes, there are answer to those questions. We'll get to it. I need to set up the dominoes right first.]
- @Astardis: I see what you mean there in your last comment, and will take that into account for future episodes. I'm not sure I can always come up with good cliffhangers, but will try my best. Sometimes an episode ends when it finishes telling its part of the story.
And yes, perhaps having detailed the conversation between Daniel and the PI at the end might have helped. Maybe. But I get the feeling that conversation was pretty frustrating, with the PI weaseling out of the confrontation and going home to enjoy his new porn show. Mmm. Now that I think of it more, perhaps I should write that bit there at the end.
But you'll get to see Daniel's reaction to the events of this episode in the next one.
Oh, and @Anonymous "Would like to see what happened to Jenn in a more up close and personal way....and to see more in the chapters or have them posted more frequently. I'll be dead and buried at this rate."
ReplyDelete(1) we will get to see what happens to Jenn up close & personal in an upcoming episode, and (2) don't go and die on us just yet. Book II in my outline is slated to end at episode #26. That's on the order of 100K words to be written still.
@ Bulgroz- thanks for the replies to comment show above. glad you will try for more cliffahngers. wondering how we will see Jenn or her thoughts more (after all we kinda see them in the last couple chapters)- she's really into Biff. Seem's like he altered her enough to not give a damn about Daniel anymore.
ReplyDeleteAlso have noticed that the DIK girls personality while under control is very similar to their existing personality- e.g. Jenn and Serena are both extremely sensual either way. Also from your cryptic comments that Jenn's relationship with Biff will get worse ("Biff seems to like a fuckdoll at the moment").
Wondering how will Serena act as Daniel's friend and if Daniel will have a run in with our brunette unknown female- that would advance the plot- who she is, what is she doing, how she relates to everyone. Is she hunting for the good Doctor?
@Bulgroz - any chance that you can work something out for Trish's point of view? I really want to see her descent for some reason.
ReplyDelete@met - No worries, thanks for the feedback in the first place. And yup, we'll get to see Jenn's pov soon, and that'll help explain what's happening. And yes, Biff does seem to have her under his thumb right now.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad you caught that the girls keep, in a sense, their personality under their programming. Again, more about that in the future. (I do plan on crossing most t's and dotting most i's, it just takes a while to get there!) In fact, that's half the point of #18-#19, "A Day in the Life" episodes, where I try to give the DIK girls pov on things. Not sure how well it'll work, but we'll see.
Ah yes, our friendly raven-haired mystery woman...
@Anonymous - I'll see what I can do. If I can do it without overloading an already overloaded arc, it might even be fun. (Well, you know what I mean...)